Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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