I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
