I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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