"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
