made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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