This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
