Your tits are I can't wait for
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
