Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
