when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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