Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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