sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
