3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
