They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
