The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize