I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
