Define "chronic" masturbator.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
