I'm going to jail i love you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
