Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
