I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
