I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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