something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
