Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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