I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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