i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How external is "for external use only"?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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