Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
