I like my sex mixed with concussions.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
