we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
