I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
