i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
