also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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