i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
