Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He did a backflip because drugs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
