Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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