A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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