I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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