Your face is a jimmy john
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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