Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Randomize
