Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
