I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize