I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
