her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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