Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
