I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
