i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
