i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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