My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
