Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
