i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
