Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize