i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
