If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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