ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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