And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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