Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
