Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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