and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
