I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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