it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
