i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
