I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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