He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
