Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
