so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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