if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize