Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had to cum in my sink.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
